


Per Aspera ad Amorem

by Eowyn (eowynsmusings)



Series: Per Aspera ad Aeternitatem [2]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: AU, Canon Divergence, M/M, Mentions of Suicide and Very Dubious Consent, Post-Game, Rebirth, Time Travel, not explicit though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-10-31 16:37:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10903278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eowynsmusings/pseuds/Eowyn
Summary: After the events ofPer Aspera ad Astra, life goes on and the rebuilding of Insomnia and Lucis gets under way. But Niflheim is not beaten yet, and Noctis and Ardyn find themselves facing down a whole new different set ofdaemons. Will they falter and fall as they did in the past, or will they be stronger now and finally find a way to truly fulfill the real prophecy?





	1. Plans and Revelations

**Author's Note:**

> Here we are. Part II! It continues right where the previous story left off, so um, enjoy I guess <3

Forever they had both said, but Noct didn't think forever was such a great idea anymore if it would be like this. Ignis was still regaling them with his brilliant ideas of portraying Ardyn as the one who had contained the Scourge these past few months, which had been true, but to leave out the part where he had _been_ the Living Scourge himself. The healer and Ignis had hit it off immediately, both well versed in courtly intrigue and politics. Which meant that Noct, Prompto and Gladio were bored out of their minds by the time they had finished their breakfast.  
  
They had found a side table while Ardyn had taken up residence behind King Regis' old desk with Ignis standing by his side, once in a while pointing at things on maps or some of the thousands of papers he had been apparently working on. "When he gets like this, I normally flee," Gladio grumbled. "And now? Now there's two of them!" That had been loud enough for both Ignis and Ardyn to hear the Shield and they gave him the most disapproving looks they could muster. Worse yet, Ardyn's shifted to Noct who quickly looked away.  
  
"So anyway, buddy," Prompto suddenly spoke up in his usual cheery way. "Didn't you want to tell the four of us something? Like after everything was over and done with? Which it kinda is now. So spill."  
  
"It's nothing really... Just something that I think Ardyn might find interesting, but I wouldn't want to interrupt..."  
  
"If there is any information you could share with us, we can take a break. Or postpone this until tomorrow. There is more that I would look at, and some contacts I have to inform about recent developments..."  
  
Noctis stopped listening to his advisor as Ardyn rose from his seat, still far more regal than he could ever dream of being. Walking over to where Noct sat, Ardyn made himself comfortable on one of the chair's padded armrests, his eyebrows nearly disappearing into his hairline. "And what do you think I would find so very interesting?" Ardyn's hand was resting on Noct's shoulder, and that slight brush of fingertips against the bare skin of Noct's neck was _obviously_ just a coincidence. A coincidence that made Noct's entire body hum with energy yet again, though this time it had nothing to do with the Ring he still wore.  
  
"You are a menace," Noct muttered under his breath, and Ardyn simply chuckled. Which didn't help. "But yes. There was something I learned in the Crystal about ... about the prophecy." Ardyn's face hardened, and Ignis, who was perching on Gladio's armrest in a similar way to Ardyn, frowned. "It turns out that all we were ever told about the Chosen King of Light, about his ... _my_ destiny to destroy the darkness and bring back the light to our Star ... well, the short story is that it was all a fib. A lie, created by Bahamut to cover up their blunder. With ... with you."  
  
He reached out to touch Ardyn's free hand, which shook when Noct squeezed it. With rage, the young king assumed. "It wasn't all a lie though, it was ... part of the truth."  
  
"And how can we even know that anything our most glorious Astrals tell us is still the _truth_?" Ardyn spat. "A blunder? Which blunder would that be? That they gave me the Crystal in the first place or that they dropped me the moment I was no longer beloved by the people... By..."  
  
'By you,' he had been about to say, and Noct knew it. And Ardyn had every right to be upset about it. How could he not be?  
  
This time it was Ardyn who squeezed Noct's hand, his eyes when Noct finally looked up apologetic. "I didn't mean to..."  
  
"Nah ... it's okay. And deserved I guess. Just ... you know I'd never do that again." The healer nodded. "Right, so... The blunder was ... a bit of both really. You see, there was another prophecy, and I do believe it's the real one because otherwise I don't think any of us would be here right now. Because Shiva wouldn't have helped me." Taking a deep breath, Noct continued. "It speaks of the Chosen _Kings_ of Lucis. Of two hearts beating as one."  
  
He could hear Ardyn's breath hitching, his eyes widening minutely. "Us... A prophecy about us?"  
  
Noct nodded. "We were supposed to do, well, what we did earlier. Twine the powers of the Crystal and of your healing and... But it didn't work out that way, did it? Because of me. Again. I simply wasn't strong enough to wield even just part of that power, and so you went alone to Bahamut. He and Shiva gave you the Crystal even though they knew it was not what the prophecy said should happen."  
  
"You were never weak, Noctis. You simply didn't believe in yourself the way you do now. That is all. To have had you by my side that day..."  
  
"So you are saying that ... that the true prophecy not only speaks of the two of you, but of the two of you as _Kings_ of Lucis?" Ignis smile practically lit up the room. "That is it then, the perfect way to explain why you would suddenly wish to be with Ardyn."  
  
Ardyn cocked his head. "You mean my charming personality and outstanding good looks aren't enough? How very disappointing." Gladio just glowered. "I see where you are going with this. You wish me to heal people and show them that I can be trusted. You wish to make the lie I told you in Lestallum into reality."  
  
"Well, it's not so far off from the truth, is it?" Noct suggested, "In the end, you did hold back the darkness and you and I brought back the light. But there are many people out there still infected... Besides, there's not only the Scourge but all sorts of ailments."  
  
"You would have me travel around again like some vagabund?" Ardyn's voice sounded dismissive, but Noct knew he had hooked his catch. The older man had loved travelling the countryside, always feeling more at home in small towns and villages than at court. And besides, there was the whole thing about sharing a tent or even sleeping beneath the stars... Ardyn had seemingly read his mind because this time that touch to Noct's neck definitely had not been an accident. "Very well, Ignis, if you think it would be wise. But ... I feel that I should be accompanied by King Noctis. For who would believe the fairytale romance if they did not see it right there before their very eyes. The former Chancellor of Niflheim finding his true calling in the arms of ... the people of Lucis."  
  
"Oh for fuck's sake! Why don't you just get a room." There was no heat in Gladio's exclamation though, and that made Noct smile. "So another road trip, or would you rather spend some time on your own?" Wiggling his eyebrows, Gladio continued with a grin, "Normally I'd say that's not very wise, but between the two of you I think you could take on the Astrals themselves."  
  
"You can count on that," Ardyn chuckled. "It is after all not only Noctis who has once upon a time joined with them in Covenants, but I had the _pleasure_ as well. So? I guess that is settled then? We are travelling again? Not on chocobos though this time I hope? The Regalia looks far more ... comfortable." Another brush of those wicked fingers sent shockwaves up and down Noct's spine, and the young king knew exactly what his beloved had in mind when it came to his father's car.  
  
"Yeah," he said eventually, his voice surprisingly stable. "Unless we can find my car. I left it to ... Drautos before we left." Noct clenched his fists in anger. "He betrayed us all..."  
  
"I fear once again that the true culprit is me. Glauca ... was my creation. My masterpiece." Ardyn's eyes glazed over as if his thoughts had taken him far away. He smirked and then shook his head. "He didn't even need to be infected to believe every word I told him about how wrong Regis was, how he was letting down his own people. I exploited every weakness that I could find, and trust me, there were many. The Glaive, it was not as strong as one of its last remaining members." He caught Gladio's gaze, a true smile on his face now. "It won't be easy, but I know when you rebuild both the Glaive and the Crownsguard, they will be stronger than they ever were before."  
  
"No more traitors. Not this time." Gladio's voice was cold, and matter of factly.  
  
"I am sure Ignis can assist you in the screening process. Though for the time being I would avoid anyone who had any dealings with the Empire. I had many spymasters to handle my networks and I fear none of them are in a state where we could ask them questions anymore..."  
  
"What? No secret handshakes or anything like that to show they are actually Niff spies?" Prompto blinked as he found himself at the receiving end of not just Ardyn's glare, but also Iggy's. "What?"  
  
"For someone with your history, I am truly amazed how ... innocent you are." Noct knew Ardyn had been about to say something far more disparaging but was glad his love had changed his mind at the last minute. "No. There is no secret anything I fear. Nor were there ever any lists of who the sympathisers were. That is how one gets caught."  
  
Prompto shrugged. "Okay then ... shall I have Cindy reach out to folks who might want to come and help?"  
  
Ignis took over the conversation again, but Noct quickly lost track of where it was going. Ardyn had bowed his head, touching Noct's forehead with his. "So this was destined all along, huh? We never truly had any chance to avoid being together then, did we?"  
  
"Don't tell me you regret it now," Noctis smiled, his fingers finding their way into Ardyn's hair.  
  
"There is only one thing I regret, Noctis. Those two thousand years that I didn't have you by my side. I wish I could have found a way to assure you, to reaffirm every day that I ... that I only wanted to be with you. But in a way, maybe all this had to happen. Losing everything makes you realise just how much it meant to you. Only I didn't think there was a chance of ever getting it back, getting you back. Or even deserving..."  
  
"Stop right there. There's no point, is there, in pondering what could have been had we acted differently then. The only thing we can do now is learn from our mistakes and not repeat them. I promise I won't remain quiet if I worry. I will share my troubles with you as I should always have done..."  
  
"Good. You have to know though that I am not the same man I once was. Even now I feel the memories of my deeds pressing down on me, and I know I can't undo any of them. I am changed, just as you are."  
  
"It will be a privilege to learn who you are again then," Noct whispered, eyes never leaving Ardyn's.  
  
He had no clue how long they had been like that, gazing into each other's eyes, but eventually Ignis cleared his throat. "Right, I think we should be good for now. We have to send messages and I have to see about supplies and the like. Prompto, try and see if you can find the Star of Lucis. Or anything else still drivable. Gladio ... search for daemon nests. I am sure we are not out of the woods yet." Rising, he bowed to Noct and Ardyn. "If your Majesties would excuse us. We will regroup later."  
  
Prompto blinked, "Wait what?" And then he grinned at Noct. "Ah yeah. Things to do, places to be. And if I find your car, Cindy will just freak. First the Regalia and then the Star? It'll be better for her than ... than other things that you don't need to know about."  
  
"Oh please spare us the details of all the kinky shit you and Miss Aurum get up to behind closed doors." Gladio groaned.  
  
"Oi! Not kinky at all. Just because the four of you don't seem to like the ladies doesn't mean..." He grinned. "More for me, ya know." And then Prompto's eyes turned into saucers. "Don't tell Cindy I said that. She'll have me by the ears again like that time I forgot to bring her the motor oil she wanted..."  
  
"Well deserved at that considering you didn't forget any of your camera supplies. Now come on you two. We have work to do." Ignis was already halfway to the door, gesturing for Prompto and Gladio to follow him.  
  
"Yeah, I think I'll shoot. It's getting way too toothache inducing around here." Gladio smirked as he joined his lover, pulling Prompto with him. "I'll be back in two hours. I've to check the barracks first. Not sure our phones are still working, but we can always use the walkie-talkies..."  
  
And that was when the doors closed behind the three, and Noct breathed a sigh of relief. "As much as I love them, I just want to go to sleep right now. For like a week."  
  
Ardyn chuckled. "I hope that is not because you are already bored of my company? Truly, Noctis, I never understood how you could sleep your days away. At times the only things that would get you out of bed were nature's call and the promise of food..."  
  
Noct smirked. "Only because you were in bed _with_ me and I really didn't want to be anywhere else."  
  
"Yes, there was that..." Ardyn stood suddenly and walked over to one of the high windows, gazing out at Insomnia. "You have no idea," he murmured, so low that Noct had to strain to hear him. "You have no idea how hard it was to not give in to the darkness and simply ... let it have you, that day on my ship. I never wanted anything or anyone as badly as I wanted you then. I had tried to suppress the memories, but the moment I felt you in my arms..."  
  
Noct swallowed. The longing in Ardyn's voice broke his heart, and he slowly rose to join his beloved by the window. "It's over now. It's all finally over and we can be together. Because there's nothing I want more. I just ... I want to be with you..." He swallowed, words not enough to express what he truly wished to say.  
  
"Are you sure?" Ardyn asked, slowly turning his head to look at the young king. "After everything you endured at my hands, you truly wish for us to..."  
  
"Oh please. The way you've been caressing my neck this whole time ... you know I don't shy away from your touch or anything stupid like that." Swallowing, he reached out to cup Ardyn's face. "I love you. And I want to feel your touch, I want to feel skin on skin and I want to lose myself in you again. Nothing between us, not anymore. Not ever again. I trust you. With my life, which, I think, I have shown you on numerous occasions..."  
  
"Foolishly, yes. But you have."  
  
Noct ignored that. "But also with my heart and my body. And at the moment I feel like all I can do is remember us from ... before, and there's been nothing and no one else since then..."  
  
Ardyn raised an eyebrow. "Are you truly telling me that the fetching Prince Noctis..."  
  
"Oh for fuck's sake!" Noctis sighed, throwing his hands up in the air. "Yes. Yes there were ... encounters, but they meant nothing. Just like your ... lovers meant nothing, did they?" Ardyn shook his head, slowly, as if he wanted there to be absolutely no doubt that Noct understood. "That's what I meant. I want to remember ... _us_. Not the way we were then, because as you said, we've both changed. But I want it to be us as we are now, if that makes any sense."  
  
Ardyn didn't say anything. For a moment, Noct feared that he'd spoken out of turn or one of a hundred things he was suddenly afraid of. But then the older man took his hand and brought it to his lips to place a gentle kiss on its back. Twining their fingers, he moved away from the window, Noct following beside him. But he didn't make for the bedchambers of the king that were attached to these staterooms. That ... that would have been too weird. Instead, the healer lead them out into the hallway once more, and past a number of doors before he stopped.  
  
"Now, I could be mistaken, but these ... were your rooms, were they not? Not the ones you stayed in most of the time, but..."  
  
Noct nodded. How had Ardyn...  
  
Ardyn smiled. "I ... assumed as much. I spent many days here, surrounded by things I began to associate with you. Books, your strange computer games..." Noct blushed. "And I admit that I imagined what it would be like to be here with you. To have another chance to _live_ with you. In a world that is maybe a little more accepting of our ... proclivities. How I wish I could have made you my ... my consort. Officially raise you to the place you always had in my heart..."  
  
"Ardyn? Even if the people of Lucis minded, it wouldn't stop me from being with you. Yes, I am their king and that brings with it more duties than I think Ignis has told me yet but ... he also said that I should not forget about my own dreams and wishes. That I shouldn't just follow duty and forget the ones I love."  
  
Ardyn opened the doors, pulling Noct with him and then into his arms as he used his heel to push the heavy oak shut again. "I ... I love you, Noctis. And I have waited so long for this. Being able to say those words again. I love you..."


	2. Scars of the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alone at last, Noctis realises the depth of Ardyn's pain, and he has to find a way to convince his beloved that he will not shy away once all of Ardyn is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was supposed to be smutty. Guess what. It isn't! Because certain Ardynocts wanted to chat the whole bloody time!!! Why does this always happen, precious? Literally, every time I want to write smut, the two people involved get REALLY talky suddenly. So yeah, smut will follow in the next chapter...   
>    
>  On that note, the next chapter won't arrive this weekend, but next. First of all, it's my b'day this weekend, so I'll be out and about, and then I'm travelling to the Continent (to Germany to be precise) and I won't be back till Saturday. I do hope though that I'll get some writing done. might take my tablet and see how it goes. It does have Word on it after all, and I do have a keyboard for the tablet ^_^   
>    
>  Thank you for the lovely comments on chapter 1 as well, you guys are amazing <3

There had been a time when Noct had wondered how those three little words could make such a difference to people ... before he had regained his memories that was. Because now there was no way to stop his heart from beating faster, or from a smile forming that eventually threatened to split his face in two. He'd said 'I love you' to Ardyn over the past months, several times, but to hear his beloved reply in kind ... it very nearly brought tears to Noct's eyes.   
  
He leaned closer, resting his head against the other man's shoulder and closed his eyes. Allowing them both to simply ... _be_ for a moment. Ardyn nuzzled Noct's dark hair, and the young king was fairly certain that the taller man was using his height to his advantage and... "You are aware that I barely freshened up at Hammerhead, right? I think ... I think maybe a shower wouldn't be amiss? At least for me." He swallowed, blushing a bright red before he continued, "Unless you would like to join me?"   
  
"You know that I would," Ardyn chuckled, but then, suddenly, his voice became serious. "If you are certain this is what you want." Noct sighed. This was his doing. This ... this insecurity Ardyn was trying to hide and that still managed to break through here and there. Was there still doubts in Ardyn's heart? Not about Noct's sincerity when it came to his feelings, no. But maybe ... maybe it was now Ardyn who thought he wasn't...   
  
Leaning back slightly, Noct raised his eyes to his beloved's and cupped his face. "Listen to me. And I mean, really listen. As far as I can remember, and by now that is quite a bit even though I'll never match your faunt of memories, I never wanted anything as much as I want to be with you. In whatever way, shape or form I can be. You know I want you. I think I made that fairly clear on board of your ship and in that chicken riddled swamp." Ardyn huffed a laugh, and briefly a smile flushed across his face. Placing his beringed hand over Ardyn's heart, he whispered, "And I know that you desire me still, that you love me still..."   
  
Ardyn's hand came up to cover Noct's. "Oh, trust me. If I could have my way, I would..." He shook his head. "Do you remember what I said, on my ship? That I could have you up against the wall or over the desk..." Noct swallowed but nodded, unsure of where Ardyn was going with this. "Both would have had one thing in common. I would have shed not one piece of clothing. But I don't want it to be that way. And yet ... once you see what I have become..."   
  
Noct's eyes narrowed as he stepped out of Ardyn's arms and just out of reach. Was the older man saying what Noct was thinking he was saying? "Wait. So let me get this straight. You think I'm so fucking shallow that I'm here just because I remember your looks from back then? Is that it? And you're calling me dense." Shaking his head, Noct glanced out of the high windows of his own drawing room, his mouth tense. And then he turned back, a fire in his eyes that hadn't been there before. "Ardyn Lucis Caelum. You are the most irritating, annoying, sarcastic and arrogant bastard I have ever known. And that was before you ended up being the Living Scourge. But you are also the gentlest and kindest person I have had the privilege of meeting not just in one, but three lifetimes."   
  
"I doubt there was a lot of kindness involved the last time around..."   
  
"Let me finish, will you? When I fell in love with you, it wasn't because of your looks. They helped, yes, but it was ... it was _you_ that I fell for. And that's still the same. I know we both have changed, and I know a lot of it was my fault." Ardyn was about to argue, but Noct held up his hand. "No. Let me finish. It was. If I was now in the same situation, do you really think I'd just listen to my father? That I wouldn't talk to you about my worries? Or anyone else for that matter? Let's be honest, in my heart I always knew it was a lie, and yet ... I was weak. For one moment, I believed it. Believed that you ... that you didn't care about me all that much after all and that you were ... with others the entire time..."   
  
Again, Ardyn made to speak, and again Noct stopped him. Only this time he closed the distance between them again, and gently placed his fingers on Ardyn's lips. "No. I know it's not true. And I know I can never undo what happened back then. But I want to try to do better now. This time around. No more secrets. No more lies. I didn't get this far to just give up. And just for your information ... I'm not quite the same as I once was either. I have this huge scar on my back from when I was little..."   
  
And then it clicked. Scars. Ardyn had... Eyes widened as he brought his hand to his lips and gasped. "They did torture you, didn't they?" A rhetorical question that they both knew the answer to. Alix had been lying to them both.   
  
It was Ardyn who suddenly could not hold eye contact anymore. Looking away, he stepped around Noctis and walked over to the tall bookshelves Ignis had always loved so much and that Noct had filled with ... inconsequential things like fishing trophies and game guides and the like. Much to his advisors chagrin. Ardyn picked one item off one of the lower shelves, and it took Noct a moment or two to realised what it was. His first pocketknife that Gladio had given him when they had first started training together. So he could at least fend off evil veggies.   
  
For a while it seemed as if Ardyn was going to remain silent, but then he whispered, "It was the only human interaction I knew for over two years. In the end I was almost joyful when they came for me again. Because ... once they were done, they would tell me of you. Of your wife, your son... I could dream, if only for a moment, that it was ... us. That the nightmare I was living was truly only that, and that I would wake to find you in my arms and... And then they told me that you had gone. That there was no chance for me to ever hold you again... I wanted to die. I just wanted it all to end and they barred my way to you..."   
  
Ardyn's hand was shaking and he quickly set down the knife. "Maybe they were right? Maybe I was tainted. Maybe I still am..."   
  
That spurred Noct into action. Crossing the room, he wrapped his arms around Ardyn, palms flat on the taller man's chest as he pressed himself flush to his beloved's back. "There is no darkness left within you; only light. I have seen it. I have felt your warmth and love ... there is no taint. Ardyn, there never was. Not of the part of you that ... that _is_ you. And I'm not afraid of what I might find beneath your clothes ... I'm only afraid that I won't even get to try and show you that..."   
  
Gentle hands covered his, and he could feel Ardyn's chest rise and fall several times as the other tried to steady himself. And then he moved Noct's hands to his coat and eventually Noct managed to remove the heavy garment and placed it over the back of one of the chairs by the round table Noct and his friends had always used to play cards. Ardyn hadn't turned, but still had his back to Noct as the young king took his hand, and gently squeezed it. And without a word, he led the both of them into bedchambers he had used maybe once or twice a month and then only if he really had to.   
  
Seeing the bed untouched, he frowned. "Didn't you say you spent time here? I thought you..."   
  
"I do not sleep," Ardyn whispered with a sad smile. "Not since ... Ifrit answered my call." Looking down at their laced fingers, he sighed. "It is almost funny. In the end I was supposed to bring endless night when for me, night holds nothing but terrors. I ... I can rest only for a few minutes before... The daemons ... they are gone, are they not? Maybe..."   
  
The sudden hope in Ardyn's voice nearly choked Noct with unshed tears. "I'm here. And I will be here still when darkness falls."   
  
Ardyn nodded and then eventually turned fully to face Noctis. "I think ... I think you are way overdressed, your _Majesty_. I fear I will have to do something about that." Ardyn's tone was teasing, but Noct knew that for the bravado it was. And when Ardyn began to slip Noct's jacket off his shoulders, the young king was only too happy to help. "Your taste in clothing has improved at least."   
  
"You can't talk about clothes. Seriously, we will have to have words about all the layers you are wearing. I know you're in love with the vests and shirt and you know how much I love the coat, but the scarves? Really? And the hood?"   
  
Ardyn smirked. "Well, I could be persuaded to give some of it up if it means this much to you. The hood? When we are indoors?"   
  
Noct chuckled and shook his head. "Incorrigible."   
  
"Would you like to add that to all my other irresistible qualities, my dearest Noct?" Ardyn smirked, but his eyes were warm and loving.   
  
"I forgot one. Conceited." Noct had started on the intricate fastenings of those blasted vests and found them to be even more complicated now than they had been in the past. Ardyn's hands were busy exploring the sensitive skin on Noct's neck, and that didn't help either. When Noct finally heard the faint clicking sound that signalled the stupid thing opening at last, he breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh and this..." he pointed at the offending piece of clothing, "will either have to go altogether or you will make it easier to unfasten it."   
  
"I recall something I told you all those years ago..."   
  
"Patience is a virtue?"   
  
"Oh yes, that as well. But that was not what I was about to say. Do you recall why I started wearing these vests? To see if we couldn't work on your stamina... "   
  
Noct rolled his eyes. "You said that I could have what I wanted straight away; I only had to drop my trousers and you would happily oblige. But if I was after what I _really_ wanted, skin on skin, then I would have to work for it and hold out. And it was cruel then and it's still cruel now." Ardyn simply shrugged, and then shrugged _out_ of the vest. The red pouch came next, and Noct wondered what it might contain now. Before, Ardyn had carried healing supplies in it; ointments and potions to heal the sick, but now? However, that was something to be filed away for later. Now ... now Ardyn was standing before him in naught but his shirt, fingerless gloves and trousers. Oh, and the boots. With buckles. Three on each.   
  
Toeing his own shoes off took a matter of seconds, even though Noct could almost hear Ignis at the back of his mind complaining about how he didn't show proper respect to his attire.   
  
Kneeling, he started on the buckles, and at least they weren't some kind of special buckle Ardyn had invented just to torture him. It didn't take too long for the both of them to have shed their socks as well and soon they stood at the foot of the bed, suddenly unsure about how to continue. But then Noct began to unbutton his shirt, swallowing as the cool air hit his bare skin. "You're beautiful..." Ardyn whispered, his hand reaching out. Elegant fingers caressed Noct's collarbone before they traced a path only known to Ardyn that lead them to Noct's heart. Ardyn placed his palm against Noct's chest then, smiling. "Beautiful and not a dream. Not this time..."   
  
Noct shook his head and gently took Ardyn's hand in his own to remove the glove. And gasped. Ardyn's wrists... There were so many white lines ... scars of where the older man's hands hand been bound, where he had been strung up and... Ardyn made to withdraw his hand, but Noctis would not allow it. Instead he leaned down and kissed first the outside and then the inside of his lover's wrist, repeating his actions again when he grasped Ardyn's other hand.   
  
"I'm here. And no, this is not a dream, even though it feels like the best kind..." Leaning his forehead against Ardyn's chest, Noct inhaled and exhaled deeply. How much he had missed this. Ardyn kissed into his hair as he started on the buttons of his love's cream coloured shirt, and he had to smile. Once he had undone every last one of the tiny little menaces, he did not push the fabric apart straight away. Instead, he reached inside, tracing too many scars to count with his fingertips before placing his hand above Ardyn's heart. "I love you. Never ever forget that. I'm here, and I always will be. I promise."   
  
Ardyn nodded and slowly removed his shirt. Then he stood still, eyes on Noct's face as the young king slowly lowered his gaze to see... The crisscross of scars spoke of agony and suffering, and Noct's eyes stung with tears as he leaned in to kiss the most prominent ones. Making Ardyn hiss at first. "Noct..." he whispered, and Noctis could tell that he was just as close to crying as the young king was himself.   
  
Turning, he took off not only his vest and shirt but also the rest of his his clothes. He could hear a rustling and the swish of fine cloth dropping to the floor. And then Ardyn's hands were on his back, tracing the horrible scar there. "Marilith, that was the daemon's name. I was ... I was eight I think. I nearly died. But dad found me and he took me to Tenebrae to heal. Which is how I met..." Turning, Noct caught Ardyn's hand and brought it to his cheek, nuzzling against it and then kissing the palm. "She wanted me to go back. She wanted me to be ... whole as she put it. And she knew that I could never be with her. That my heart always belonged to another. She knew it even though I didn't. And she knew what was going to happen on the day of the ritual. I ... I do love her. And I will always miss her. But I am _in_ love with you."   
  
"I wanted to stop... I just ... I couldn't..."   
  
"Shhhh," Noct whispered with a shake of his head. "It's over. Will we ever be able to forget? No. But we can't live in the past or we will miss the life we can have. And I for one would hate that." His hand went to Ardyn's chest then, feeling that strong heartbeat and he smiled when his lover mirrored his gesture. Closing his eyes, he could feel Ardyn touch their foreheads together and he breathed in deeply. "This is where we belong. Right here. No Astrals, no courtiers and no opinionated subjects. Just us. Here in this moment."   
  
And when Ardyn gently touched Noct's chin to raise his face, and their lips met again, Noct knew that, yes, he had finally come home.


	3. To Make You Feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Um ... this is the smut we've all been waiting for since that scene on Ardyn's assault craft?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to reiterate the warnings about "mentions" of non-con. There is something in this chapter again that might be a trigger, so be warned. But it's all in the past, so, yeah...

Noctis didn't quite know how they had ended up on his bed, but he didn't care. Ardyn's hands were seemingly everywhere, setting his skin ablaze and his blood boiling. Their kisses had turned from loving and gentle to desperately passionate, and they were both hard enough to split rocks. Well, he wasn't willing to test that theory, but Noct was fairly certain.   
  
The duvet and most of the sheets lay crumpled up at the foot of the bed, and for a split second Noctis mused that they better not let Iggy see lest they wanted to incur his wrath. But that thought left his mind as soon as it had come because Ardyn was moaning beneath him. And what a picture the healer was. Head thrown back against the soft pillows, hair fanned out as if it was a halo ... or some really good red wine had been spilt. His face was flushed and his eyes, at least for the moment, were closed tightly as he tried to regain at least some semblance of self control. They were both dreadfully close already, and they hadn't even truly begun yet!   
  
"Breathe, just breathe," Noct chuckled, and found himself at the receiving end of one of those glares that would normally make all of his blood rush south, but as it had done so already, it simply made his length twitch against Ardyn's. Noct hissed, using all of his remaining willpower to not fall apart at the seams just yet.   
  
"I am over two thousand years old, and yet you make me act like a teenaged boy..." There was no heat in Ardyn's complaint, and when he cracked open his eyes, there was a rather wicked gleam in those amber pools. Lifting his head from where it lay, he smirked and began to nip and lick at Noct's shoulder and collarbone. And as if that wasn't enough already, his hand snaked between their bodies, and elegant fingers closed around both their needs. "As much as I want to enjoy this, and _you_ , I think we have to admit defeat for now and just ... get this over with..." Only Ardyn Lucis Caelum could make lovemaking sound like a ... business transaction of sorts and Noct had to snort.   
  
He did agree though. They were far too much on edge... Placing his hands on Ardyn's shoulders, Noct propped himself up for leverage and began to thrust into that tight channel his lover was creating with his hand, groaning at the extra friction of feeling Ardyn's hardness right there, next to his. Yes, so he was imagining a different sort of ... channel, but for now, this would do.   
  
Ardyn smirked, clearly unable to decide what was more appealing to look at; Noct's flushed face or their needs sliding together. Eventually he settled on Noct, but the young king could tell that the choice hadn't been an easy one. "So beautiful..." Ardyn praised, his thumb spreading precome for more lubrication. Not that it was needed. Noct could feel the first tell-tale signs of his imminent release, and he knew his lover wasn't far behind ... if at all. "Let go, my Noctis. I will catch you when you fall..."   
  
And that was enough. Noct didn't know whether it had been all of what Ardyn had just whispered, or just the fact that he had called the young king _my Noctis_ , but it didn't matter. He moaned loudly as he painted their stomachs and much of Ardyn's chest with his seed, and only moments passed before he could feel his lover shudder beneath him and follow him over the edge. However, this had given Noct just enough time to gather enough higher brain functions to watch his beloved's face in the throws of passion.   
  
Memories had done it no justice whatsoever. Ardyn seemed to glow as he came undone. His head was buried in the pillows again, his neck exposed and he looked so vulnerable in that moment that Noct very nearly began to cry at just how perfect this moment was. Or he thought it was only nearly because when Ardyn finally came to he frowned and gently wiped Noct's tears away.   
  
"Happy ... happy tears," the young king breathed, his smile never wavering. "I ... I forgot how beautiful you are. And how much I truly love you." Before Ardyn could say anything, Noct pressed open mouthed kisses to several of the more prominent scars and then beamed at the older man. Before realising that they were running the distinct danger of getting stuck together. And then suddenly there was a brilliant purple flash of light and they ... were not. "And you are handy to have around as well... I swear, if I had tried that, we would probably be a pile of ash."   
  
"I think I had enough time to hone my skills, but I would rather you didn't try to better yours. At least not while I'm around." Ardyn cocked his head and brought his hand to Noct's face where he idly traced the young king's soft beard. "Actually, I take that back. I would rather you didn't try to get better at all if it means you might run the risk of incinerating yourself. I think I'd much rather have you around a while longer." He frowned. "Only ... I think if anything were to happen to you, I wouldn't be far behind... " Instead of whatever Noct had thought Ardyn's reaction might be, the fuchsia haired man smiled. "If it wasn't the Astrals doing, I would even give my thanks for that. Because this means that ... my way won't be barred ever again." Pulling Noct down and into a kiss again, he whispered when they broke apart, "I want to feel alive again, Noct. I want to know that this isn't just a figment of my shattered imagination and that I won't emerge from this dream to the nightmare again..."   
  
Noct shook his head. "No more nightmares. Never again."   
  
He reached for his bedside table, blushing at the thought of Ardyn maybe rummaging through the drawers, and finally fished out a tube of rather expensive lube that Prompto had given him for his last birthday as some kind of dare. To use up in whatever depraved way he could think of, by the time his next birthday rolled around. Well... He could still make good on that one... But when he tried to hand it to Ardyn, his lover shook his head. "You heard what I said, didn't you?" Fingers tangling in Noct's raven hair, Ardyn's eyes were like burning embers. "I want to feel. I want to feel that you are real and that you still..."   
  
Noct's lips caught whatever else Ardyn had been about to say, and when they broke apart Noct was breathing heavily and already stirring again. The thought of what Ardyn was asking of him, was _giving_ him ... it made his heart clench in all the right ways.   
  
Untangling himself from his lover's long limbs took some time and more kisses and gentle touches, but eventually Noct was kneeling next to Ardyn and smiled down at the sight before him. No matter what the other thought, he was the most beautiful being Noct had ever seen and his scars ... they made their time now even more special. "Turn around," Noct whispered. "And close your eyes. I don't want you to think of anything and only listen to my voice."   
  
Ardyn nodded slowly and obliged. Pulling a pillow closer, he folded his arms on it and then rested his head on them. But it took much longer for him to close his eyes. But eventually he did; another sign of the trust he placed in Noctis. "I love you," Noct breathed, blinking away his treacherous tears.   
  
Uncapping the tube, he squirted a generous amount of the ... half gel half oil into his hand to warm it. Straddling Ardyn's lower back, he first kissed the scars on his lover's shoulder blades even as a darker part within him wanted to go back in time and do to his father what he had done to Ardyn. But that was not a thought he wanted to spend any energy on now. No. This was about Ardyn. About the two of them.   
  
With one last kiss to the nape of Ardyn's neck, he sat up and spread the lube all over his beloved's back and began to gently massage him. "The last time I remember doing this was after you battled Leviathan. Your wounds had healed but your muscles were still so very tense..." Just like they were now. But unlike before, Ardyn was so much thinner; to the point where Noct could feel his lover's ribs even if he simply brushed over his sides. "I can't believe they made me forget all of it. All of _us_. I wish..."   
  
Ardyn shook his head even as he moaned again softly as Noct hit an especially sensitive or aching spot. "Don't. There are a million things that I regret, Noctis, but being with you now is not one of them. Quite ... quite the contrary." He turned his head, careful not to uproot Noct as his body shifted, and smiled. Ardyn's eyes were still closed, but he slowly opened them. "You have given me back hope and a sense of purpose that I had lost." Smirking, he added, "Oh wait, no. That was Ignis... Maybe I should show _him_ how grateful I am as well? Do you think Gladio would mind?"   
  
Noctis slapped his lover's shoulder for that. "Not funny! He'd strangle you before you can tell him that doing such a thing might be rather bad for me as well."   
  
Ardyn pretended to give this some thought. "Well, that _would_ be bad. I think I will just have to settle for you then..." The last word turned into a moan as Noct moved his hand lower and began to circle his lover's entrance.   
  
Leaning closer, he breathed into Ardyn's ear, "You were saying?" He was chuckling when no words were forthcoming but only keening noises that were doing unspeakable things to Noct and made him almost desperate enough to ask his lover if it was alright to forgo most of the preparation and just get to the main course already. But no ... not this time at the very least. Reaching for the lube again, he covered his hand liberally and gently...   
  
"Noct? I am not made of glass..." Ardyn growled, bucking his back in case Noct needed more clarification.   
  
Two fingers then, and two soon became three, but when Noct finally found that special spot, he also noticed something else. There were ... there really was just one option. Scars. Scars in the most intimate of places and that realisation made Noct shake.   
  
It didn't take long for Ardyn to catch on, and he reached behind himself to steady Noct's hand. "It's alright. It's over. And I know you would never ... hurt me in such a way." It was clearly difficult for Ardyn to even say this much and so Noct simply nodded. "I want this. I want _you_. There has never been anyone else. Not ... not..."   
  
Noct quickly covered Ardyn's lips with his, his clean hand caressing his lover's face. "I love you," he murmured into the space where their breaths mingled. "Turn ... turn around again. I want to see you and I want you to know that this is me. That you're not dreaming..."   
  
It took a moment or two again for them to shift but eventually Noctis found himself in Ardyn's arms again, with his lover's legs around his waist. His own hands were to either side of his beloved's face, and he held himself up on slightly shaky arms. Slowly and as gently as he could, he pushed into that welcoming heat until he was as deeply seated as he could be. His eyes had been fixed on Ardyn's face, watching out for any sign of discomfort or, worse, pain. But there was nothing but wonderment and bliss on his beloved's face, and now tears ran down Ardyn's cheeks as he smiled. "Noctis..." A sigh then, exasperated. "I am beginning to wonder if you wish to stay like this forever because I would much rather you _moved_."   
  
"Oh you infuriating..." Noct snapped his hips, harder than he had meant to, but Ardyn didn't seem to mind. He moaned loudly, reminding Noct why the healer had always prefered to camp outside of settlements and out of earshot of others... And so he did it again, angling his thrust so it would hit that special spot. This time he was rewarded with a groan that went straight to his own length making it twitch even in the tight hold of Ardyn's muscles.   
  
Ardyn's hands were in Noct's hair then, pulling him down so he had to lower himself onto his elbows to meet his lover in a passionate kiss that was a rather mirrored imitation of what their bodies were doing. Ardyn dominated, and Noct was only too happy to give his lover all the access he could desire. But not without rocking his hips ever so slightly to make the both of them gasp. Pulling away, Ardyn huffed a laugh, "You are still acting as if I might break, Noct... I won't, I am quite certain. Move, or I swear I will _make_ you move."   
  
The healer's eyes were darkened with arousal and Noct had never beheld anything more appealing. And so he began to set a leisurely pace that he knew full well Ardyn would not agree with. He was right as well for after only a few thrusts, the tightness around him became almost painful and when he glared at Ardyn, his lover's expression was innocence personified. Well, it would have been but for the wicked sparkle in his eyes.   
  
"Fine, have it your way then," Noct huffed and then chuckled. They _were_ behaving like teenagers. And bickering like an old married couple at the same time.   
  
Ardyn released his length then, and he began to alternate searching, deep thrusts that made him very nearly pull out all the way and shallow ones that made Ardyn gasp for air as that spot was stimulated over and over again. "Touch me," he whispered suddenly, and Noct knew his lover was just as close once again as he. Wrapping his hand around Ardyn's length, he began to stroke it in time with his thrusts which had lost much of their precision by now. But Noct forced himself to hold on, tried to elicit more of those delicious sounds and to ensure that there was no doubt left in Ardyn's mind that this was indeed real. And if the older man walked funny the next time he was around Gladio, all the better...   
  
"Noct..." Once again it was the sound of his name that sent the young king over the edge and within seconds he felt Ardyn follow him, his muscles milking Noct's need for all its worth. And when at last he was completely spent, Noct slumped into Ardyn's waiting arms, eyes closing in exhaustion.   
  
He could feel himself slip from Ardyn's body and mewled as cool air suddenly enveloped his still heated flesh. But then he felt the swish of Ardyn's magic again, and smiled against his lover's shoulder. Warmth surrounded him then, and he had to blink to realise that Ardyn had covered them with his sheets and duvet. "Hmmm, comfy..."   
  
Ardyn chuckled and wrapped his arms more tightly around the young king. "I am sure you will not say that for long, but for now I have to agree. I think, with you as my blanket, I might even try to close my eyes for a while."   
  
Noct smiled, and lifted his sleepy head to kiss Ardyn's stubbly chin. "Anytime."   
  
"And if your friends wander in here in search of you, it will serve them right to get an eyeful."   
  
Chuckling, Noct rested his head just above Ardyn's heart as he had been wont to do in the past. Reaching for Ardyn's hand, he twined their fingers. "They won't. Because I'm quite certain they know exactly what we were gonna get up to. Nah. They'll be waiting for us. And I hope there'll be food... You need more of the stuffs..."   
  
"And you, my dearest Noctis, need to sleep. You are making even less sense right now than normally."   
  
"Hmm. Still love you. That makes sense, doesn't it?" He was half asleep, but Noct tried to stay awake for a little bit longer at least.   
  
"It's one of the few things that does, yes. Even though at the same time it doesn't, but I won't argue with you on it. Because I happen to love you, too. But you really should sleep now. Knowing you, you did not rest since waking in Angelgard..."   
  
"Had to get to you..."   
  
"Well, you are here now. Now go to sleep..."   
  
And Noct did. With the biggest smile on his face that he could muster.


	4. Shadows of the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately the past has this funny way of catching up with us in the happiest of moments, and this is the same for Noct who is suddenly taken back to the time after he _betrayed_ Ardyn, and all the horrors his own father visited upon him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't REALLY think the honeymoon was gonna last, did you? *cackles* This chapter has a big fat warning on it because it discusses, well, I'm still gonna call it dubious consent because Noct did agree to it all in order to protect Ardyn (yeah, because that worked out so well), and its aftermath. I did a lot of research into PTSD, as this is what Noct is suffering, and hope I can do it justice.   
>    
>  So yeah, hello Angst my old friend. It looks like you're back again :D   
>    
>  Also, I am sorry for the delay in updating. I was going to last weekend, but Saturday night's events kinda put a damper on things. I also want to write a bit more for this story, so for the time being, updates only once a week on the weekends :D Had a bit of a writer's block, but I hope I got past that now. Oh, and THANK YOU for all the kudos, comments, etc. You guys are awesome <3

Waking was something Noct normally hated with every fibre of his being, but this time he smiled at the feeling of strong arms around his waist and the strong heartbeat beneath his head. It had lulled him to sleep and now it served as a wakeup call. Ardyn was still here, and it really wasn't just a dream.   
  
Lifting his head, Noct smiled. Ardyn was asleep still, his breathing even and his face so very relaxed and peaceful. Noct couldn't help but reach out to touch that silky hair that stood every which way, and chuckled lowly to himself. Ardyn was so much like the man he had once been, and at the same time not at all. Just like Noct, his lover seemed stronger now, as if the time they had spent apart... He stopped himself right there. No. There was no version of events where all this pain had been necessary. It was all wrong on so many different levels to even allow his thoughts to take that path... But at the end of the day, it didn't matter anymore. This moment, and being together again, that did matter.   
  
The light of day was fading outside, and when Noct checked his bedside clock, he grinned. Five pm, perfectly normal for early spring.   
  
Stretching, he couldn't help but rub himself against Ardyn's stirring need, and he blushed briefly at the thought that he could maybe wake his love like that. Or even better, with his lips around...   
  
"Hmmm, and what does his Majesty think he is doing right now?" Ardyn drawled, voice still low and growly after waking. "And whatever shall I do to defend myself?"   
  
Well, Noct had a few ideas. "I know that you are of a rather advanced age..." Ardyn slapped his arse for that, and Noct simply moaned, grinding himself against Ardyn now completely unashamed. "As I was saying, I was wondering if you might like to reciprocate? And take me? Just, you know, to finish the circle. You know how I love my aesthetics..."   
  
Ardyn rolled them over quicker than Noct could blink, pinning the young king's arms above his head. Leaning in, he claimed Noct's lips in an almost bruising kiss, and Noct couldn't help but moan and writhe beneath his lover's frame. Thoroughly enjoying himself...   
  
Until Ardyn's hands changed, and that body above him was no longer his beloved's, and the eyes looking down at him turned to ice. Alix and his friends had come back to haunt him.   
  
"No!" he shouted, almost surprised when he was released straight away and the far too heavy body that held him down shifted away. Rolling onto his side, he pulled his legs to his chest, sobbing, "Please no. Not again..."   
  
Behind him, Ardyn gasped. Ardyn, his lover. Not his father or one of the great and powerful men that had taken their pleasure from his body. Ardyn, who reached out to gently touch Noct's shoulder. But Noct couldn't stand even that. Bolting up, the young king raced to the bathroom where he relieved himself of the food he had for their shared breakfast. He was shivering, tears streaming down his face as those memories seemed to claw their way into his consciousness.   
  
A blanket was draped over his shoulders, and Noct could tell just how careful Ardyn was not to touch him. "I ... I think it best I took my leave. I will find Ignis and..."   
  
Noct turned, tangling himself in the soft material of the blanket. "No!" he exclaimed, Ardyn's pained expression bringing him back to the present. "Please, don't leave," he added in a whisper, shaking as yet more tears fell from his eyes.   
  
"Noctis... You are afraid of me, and who could blame you? I ... I understand. I..."   
  
It took all of Noct's strength to rise and throw his arms around his beloved. "No. Not you. Never you." His skin seemed to burn wherever they touched, and Noct's mind was screaming at him to just let go. But his heart was steadfast. "It's not you," he whispered again, his head once again resting against Ardyn's chest where he could hear and feel his lover's racing heart. "It ... it could never be you. Never like that. You'd never do _that_ to me."   
  
Ardyn looked beyond conflicted and confused. Slowly he nodded, and touched Noct's shoulder through the fabric of the blanket. Even that was almost too much for Noct to bear and he had to force himself not to bolt again. The healer could clearly sense his struggle and so let go again, his voice filled with unshed tears as he asked, "What? What happened?"   
  
"I ... I think we might need a drink for this." Something strong to make the pain in his chest ease at least a little bit.   
  
Ardyn nodded and turned around, leaving Noct alone for a moment. And the young king allowed himself to release the choked cry he had been holding back. He'd pushed Ardyn away ... Ardyn of all people. The man he had endured all of those unspeakable things for, and now? Now they were haunting him yet again and he made Ardyn pay the price. When it all had been his own bloody fault. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. No. This line of thought would get him nowhere. Except to another panic attack.   
  
Inhaling deeply, he left the bathroom only to find the bedroom empty and Ardyn's clothes missing. Had his beloved left after all? His heart clenched in his chest, but then he heard the sound of expensive crystal meeting its equal and he sighed relieved. Quickly pulling on his own pants, he kept the blanket wrapped around his upper body. He knew it could be seen as a shield, but as one Noct could remove the moment he felt strong enough to do so. Which hopefully would be sooner rather than later. This was ridiculous. They were supposed to be happy not haunted by something that had happened two lifetimes ago! Of course Noct knew it didn't quite work that way, and that time could only heal wounds that were treated, not left to fester.   
  
Sighing to himself, he padded into living room and frowned. Ardyn had donned not only his trousers but also his shirt and was in the process of putting on his vests as well.   
  
"Don't," Noct whispered causing Ardyn to halt and look up. "Not ... not the layers. Not now. For fuck's sake, I don't want anything between us, ever again, and especially not now!" Of course he was talking about more than clothes now, and groaned at himself in anger as he sank down on the comfortable leather sofa opposite his large TV screen. "This is just bloody typical, isn't it? We only just got back together, and look at me. Blowing it again."   
  
Ardyn was taking off the vests again and placed them carefully over the back of the same chair that held his coat. "I don't think any of this is your fault, Noctis. And I'm wondering, if it is as you say and I am neither at fault... This has nothing to do with _us_ , does it? And yet I feel it does." Picking up the two drinks he had poured for them, he walked over to the sofa and handed Noct one of the glasses, once again careful not to touch his lover. And then he sat on the far end, taking a sip. "Altissian brandy. At least you haven't lost your good taste in alcohol."   
  
Noct desperately wanted to close the distance between the two of them, but he knew that was still unwise. So he pulled his legs back up to his chest, bare feet on the cool leather, and followed suit. The brandy was good indeed, the only thing missing really some ice cubes. But beggars couldn't be choosers. Leaning back his head against the sofa, he studied the liquid that was almost the colour of Ardyn's eyes. A brief smile crept across his face only to be replaced by a frown again moments later. Shivers were running up and down the young king's spine, the glass shaking in his hands as he began. "I know that you were told of me in your prison. You mentioned it before. And my _conquests_."   
  
Noct glanced over at his beloved and could almost _see_ the pieces of the puzzle fall into place. Anger filled Ardyn's amber eyes, anger and rage. He grit his teeth, hands becoming fists. "That utter bastard!" he growled, the sound of his voice dangerous and furious at the same time. But then Ardyn's eyes found Noct's and... The young king could feel tears prick at his own at the protective way his love then gazed at him. "He stooped that low? I ... I should have known. Should have had his head when I still had the power to do so."   
  
Without thinking, Noct reached out to touch Ardyn's hand, twining their fingers. "You never would have hurt him because he was my father. And you couldn't have known. He ... he promised me that you would be spared any more torture if I went along with it all. My body as payment to his friends. And I went along with it, because there was no other way to protect you anymore. But he was lying. Always lying to both of us. And I couldn't bear it anymore eventually, and so... Had I waited but a little longer."   
  
"I should have been there to protect you! Like I promised you. And in your hour of desperation I wasn't there. I wasn't able to..."   
  
"There was nothing you could have done. This isn't your fault. I know that had you been free, you would have stopped them all from ever laying a finger on me. I know!" Noct was now shaking like a leaf, the only thing grounding him...   
  
Ardyn stared at their laced fingers, expression dark. "He broke us. Both of us. How much did he truly hate me to do _that_ to his own son?!" Bringing Noct's hand to his lips, he kissed each knuckle before whispering, "But one thing never changed, Noctis. No matter how much he tried. My love for you. Even when you were lost to me for what I thought was forever, I still clung to it. Even though I would have denied it back then."   
  
Noct had to swallow and force himself not to pull back his hand. But this was Ardyn, not one of his father's _friends_. Those eyes that gazed at him were warm amber, not cold steel. "Then he hasn't broken us. We were just wounded and now ... now we have the chance to heal. Astrals, I just wish there was a way for you to snap your finger and I can... I want to be with you." Noct's voice shook as fresh tears fell onto his cheeks. "This is what I've been dreaming of since the day at Galdin. I remembered all the times you made love to me, and I longed to be in your arms again ... so very badly. And now... Now I can and yet I still can't. This is just fucked up..."   
  
Ardyn nodded, placing Noct's hand above his heart and covering it with his own. "I'm here. I'm here and I'm not going to go anywhere. Not this time. And I will never deny my feelings for you again."   
  
Noct chuckled, "To be honest, I thought at first that it would be so much harder to get through to you. But then I realised how ... how hurt you still were, even after all this time, and that ... strange as it sounds, but it gave me hope."   
  
Ardyn nodded again. "I wonder what it was like to ... to recognise you and yet to not see any recollection in your eyes. Tell me? Tell me of the first time you lived this life?"   
  
Noct knew what his lover was attempting now. This was a distraction, and yet, it was also something they had to talk about. "I called you a _creepy old dude_ ," he smiled. "And I acted as if I didn't feel ... drawn to you, when I could not get you out of my head. I just ... I didn't know why, and then later I thought something was wrong with me when it was just my subconscious remembering you. Remembering what we shared." Blushing, Noct gently stroked his beloved's chest. "I was falling in love with you all over again, even though I didn't even know half of what you had endured." Well, he had also hated himself for being intrigued by Ardyn and for thinking the older man _handsome_ , but that was beside the point. As was the fact that he'd only realised he'd been in love with Ardyn after the fact. As Ardyn lay dying and Noct's heart was bleeding for him. "And then, when I learned of it in the Crystal ... I knew what I had to do, but my heart was breaking at the same time. You ... you must have come so close to telling me the truth. But you didn't. You just ... you said that you'd lived in darkness for ages, and you asked me if I was going to erase you from history once more. I couldn't get that out of my head. Couldn't get _you_ out of my head, even in the Afterlife."   
  
"And you came back. For me." Ardyn still sounded beyond surprised and Noct's heart nearly broke all over again.   
  
"Of course. I had to. Even if there was just a small chance of setting things right between us, I knew that I could at least ... set you free." Pulling back his hand just briefly, Noct set his drink onto the small coffee table in front of the sofa before taking a deep breath and moving closer to his love. It was harder than it had any right to be, but somehow he managed to lean close, to rest his head on Ardyn's shoulder and once again twine their fingers. "I love you. Not just the man you once were, but _you_. The man who held on to love through all of these lonely years, the darkness the Astrals' and my actions brought down upon you. Who fought so hard against the darkness just because ... of me." Swallowing, Noct smiled through his tears. "I still can't quite believe that it's all over..."   
  
"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you, Noctis. Whatever might have happened between us in the past, it doesn't matter. The only thing that does is the fact that you were willing to forsake the eternal life in the Beyond to restore hope to me. I am only sorry that I didn't manage to..."   
  
Noct knew what Ardyn was about to say and shook his head. "Don't. I think there were things that simply could not be changed, no matter how hard I might have tried. Luna, dad... They knew what they were doing and as hard as it is for me to accept that, it's the truth. The only thing that is truly screwed up about it all is that ... all of this was based on a lie. On a prophecy that wasn't even real. I swear, if I ever come face to face with Bahamut again..."   
  
"It will be nothing compared to what I would do to your father..." Ardyn's voice was quiet. Too quiet.   
  
"I ... I only wish I had not taken the coward's way out. Maybe we could have..."   
  
Ardyn turned then to gaze down at Noct intently. "Don't. Firstly, what if has never helped anyone. And you were no coward. You simply could not bear the pain any longer. We will find a way through this. Because I will not give up on you. On us. I am not waiting another two millennia to hold you in my arms again."   
  
Noct smiled. "I guess then we'll just have to try to work through this, yes? Whatever _this_ is."   
  
"You were hurt, in ways that I cannot heal." Noct could see the anger again in Ardyn's eyes, and the ... helplessness. "Time, time is the best cure, I think. And if you need space..."   
  
Noct had his arms around Ardyn's neck faster than his lover could blink. If he instigated contact it was not all that bad. The urge to pull away was still there, but it was bearable. "No. That's the last thing I need. I didn't come back and stand up to the Astrals _and_ you to now hide away. I think ... I think I need you with me, more than ever before." He was whispering into the space between Ardyn's neck and shoulder, and closed his eyes to breathe in the scent that had always been his home. The scent that calmed him and made him feel safe. "Please don't leave me..."   
  
Ardyn was moving slowly as he wrapped his arms around Noctis. The young king had to take a deep breath, but eventually managed to even relax into his beloved's touch. This was Ardyn, he kept telling himself. This was safe and home. It was funny really, given who and what Ardyn had been not even a day ago. But that darkness was gone now, and while they would never be the people they had been two thousand years ago, they had found each other again and had a chance now at ... happiness. Well, if Noct could get passed this first.   
  
"I already said that there is nowhere else I would rather be, Noctis. There is no place for me in this world unless it is by your side." Noctis smiled and nodded, his breath evening out as emotional exhaustion took its toll. "Rest, Noctis. Sleep. I will ... I will see what your friends have gotten up to."   
  
Noctis made a sound of protest as he was moved and his blanket placed upon him. But there was nothing for it. Sleep claimed him yet again, and his last thought was that he hoped to get past this sooner rather than later.


	5. A Healer's Rage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noct has to realise that Ardyn is not quite as calm and composed about recent revelations, and the two lover's must learn to accept the fact that not everything is always their fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I can say is: we're not really surprised this happened, are we? *chuckles* And at least it gives Ardyn and Gladio some bonding time, right? ^_^   
>    
>  Thank you for all the comments / kudos and stuffs. You guys are amazing <3

Noct's world was shaking for some reason, and it took the young king a moment to realise that he wasn't in an earthquake but that someone was trying to shake him awake. Someone who turned out to be Prompto. Struggling to sit up, Noct rubbed his eyes. "What the hell?" he asked intelligently, knowing full well that Prompto wouldn't wake him without a damn good reason. After all, he'd gotten enough things thrown at him in the past for doing exactly that. At one time, Noct had even managed to hit his friend with a shoe, and Prompto still complained about that one.   
  
"I'm ... I'm sorry, Noct. But I think you'll want to see this. It's ... it's Ardyn..." Noct looked around and started to panic when his lover was nowhere to be seen. Clearly his expression said as much because Prompto quickly made a calming motion with his hands. "He's alright. Well, I think he's alright. He came to speak to Iggy, but then he went to the training area in the Glaive's complex and ... he started taking apart the training dummies. With his bare hands. I didn't think he'd have so much strength in him, but something must have really enraged him and I'm ... I worry that maybe you didn't catch all of the darkness in him, or..."   
  
"Shit!" Noct practically jumped to his feet, eyes darting around the floor for his shoes and shirt before remembering that they were in the bedroom. But there was no time to retrieve them. Not now. "It's ... it's nothing like that, Prompto. I'll explain later but for now just ... lead the way?" He should have known how to get there himself, but with his mind still foggy from sleep and now worried sick for Ardyn...   
  
Prompto looked at him as if to ask if he really wanted to go as he was, but then changed his mind about it. "Alright. I hope you really know what the fuck is up with him because he's scary."   
  
Noctis nodded and sighed as he stepped onto the cold marble of the Citadel hallway. It didn't matter though. Nothing mattered right now but Ardyn. And the pain his lover was in at this very moment. Even though he probably looked utterly ridiculous running through Insomnia, barefoot, wearing only his dress pants and a blanket that he had wrapped tightly around his upper body.   
  
It didn't take too long to get to the Kingsglaive's building, and he remembered all the days he'd spent training here with both Gladio and ... Nyx. Nyx who had taught him everything Noct knew about warping. Nyx who'd given his life defending both Insomnia and Luna. And the ring that now seemed so very heavy again where it sat on Noct's hand. He could hear the sounds of fighting before he could see Ardyn and Gladio...   
  
They had been sparring it seemed, but by now Gladio had forced Ardyn to his knees and held him in his iron grip. And Noct knew why. So Ardyn couldn't hurt himself in his rage... Or Gladio for that matter, though it seemed a little late for that. Gladio's right eye was already swelling shut and he would have a rather magnificent black eye come morning. Ignis was standing at the edge of the sparring area, clearly uncertain of what to do.   
  
Handing the blanket over to Prompto, and once again cursing his barefooted state, Noct climbed down into the sparring area as well and slowly approached Ardyn and Gladio. His lover's eyes were bloodshot and it was clear that he had been crying ... and Noct didn't have to be a genius to figure out why. Kneeling in front of the healer, Noct reached out to gently touch Ardyn's chin to turn his love's face to him. And when Ardyn finally focused on him, new tears welling from those beautiful amber eyes, Noct's heart broke anew.   
  
"Stop ... stop blaming yourself," he whispered as Gladio realised things were alright now, or at least okay enough to let go of Ardyn. Huffing, he stood and walked over to his lover. Rather stiffly. Ardyn swallowed, his hand shaking as he placed it on Noct's arm. "It wasn't your fault. None of it was your fault. And I know that you would have protected me if you could have. I know. I know there wouldn't have been anything anyone could have done to stop you."   
  
"I thought ... I believed..."   
  
Noct nodded, "I understand. I really do. You couldn't have known the truth. And maybe in a way that was for the best. Ardyn, there was nothing you could have done to change it. Nothing." His hand moved upwards to his lover's cheek and he gently brushed the stubble there. "I only wish I could have held out for just a little while longer. I wish I hadn't died without being able to tell you that ... that I'd been so wrong. That I loved you all along and that without you my life had been worth nothing."   
  
Ardyn shifted and moved forward to touch his forehead to Noct's. "If I could, I would tear him apart. Bit by bit. And even that would be too kind on him."   
  
"He can't touch us now. And soon, I hope all of this will be over and we can be together again. Properly..." He blushed then, suddenly realising that they were not alone. Far from it. He could almost feel three sets of eyes trained on them ... well, two sets and a half considering Gladio's current state, and when he turned he saw that he'd been right. But before he could say anything...   
  
"Noct ... what have you done to your feet?" Ardyn's voice was filled with worry and disbelief, and when Noctis glanced down at his feet, he understood why. There were cuts there, bleeding, and a few splinters he seemed to have truly embedded in his flesh. And yet he couldn't feel them. His worry for Ardyn had been greater than his discomfort. He could feel his lover's hands on his ankles and was grateful that he didn't flinch away. Then the warmth of healing seemed to surround his feet and when he blinked the wounds were gone and the small pieces of wood that had been stuck in his feet were lying on the ground.   
  
Prompto gasped, "Holy shit! You're really a healer, aren't you? Like, that was amazing!"   
  
Ardyn chuckled and pushed himself to his feet and slowly walked over to Gladio and Ignis. "I ... I am sorry you had to see me like this. It won't happen again. Will you allow me?" He held out his hands in question, and Gladio needed a moment or two before he nodded. Soon, his eyes were fine again and he moved with his usual grace. Like a big cat, ready to pounce.   
  
"You ... you will excuse me for asking, but we could not help but overhear..."   
  
Noct shook his head at Ignis. "Not here. I know you need to know what just happened, but please. Not here."   
  
His advisor nodded. "Very well. I will find you some shoes to wear for the way back to the Citadel. I have already prepared an evening meal, but I think this is more pressing than our stomachs." No one complained. "Alright then. Gladio? I believe you and Prompto have a few things to carry back to the Citadel as well? We will meet you there." Well, that was one way to get the other two out of their hair for a short while. And to give Noctis and Ardyn some privacy while Ignis went on his hunt for shoes that would fit Noctis.   
  
"Ah yes," Prompto agreed. "And I promised I'd call back Cindy anyway. So yeah. See you in a bit."   
  
Gladio didn't say anything. He just looked from Ardyn to Noct, who was still kneeling on the ground, and then nodded. But it was his next action that truly shocked the young king. He took hold of Ardyn's shoulder in a strong grip and muttered gruffly, "You need to build your muscles and regain your strength. You won today because you were enraged, but that's not always going to be the case if we want to make this sparring thing a more permanent occurrence. Which I wouldn't mind. After all, as the Royal Shield, I now have to guard both you and Noctis, and I fucking know that I'll need at least one of you to be able to hold his own."   
  
Noct was tempted to protest, but Gladio and Ardyn bonding was far too precious to interrupt. Precious and unexpected.   
  
"If you think you can take me on then ... certainly." Ardyn smirked, voice his usual drawl. Good. "But don't come running to me if your lover has to wipe you off the floor..."   
  
Gladio just chuckled, "Yeah well ... I guess delusions are something really nice, aren't they?" And then he left with Prompto in tow.   
  
Noct grinned even though he felt rather stupid still kneeling on the ground. Ignis would kill him once he realised what this had done to his pants, but the young king didn't care one bit. "The good news is he's no longer actively planning your demise? That's progress, no?"   
  
"Are you so sure of that? We are simply calling it _sparring_ now, but you know how accidents sometimes happen."   
  
"Nah," Noct sniggered. "Gladio wouldn't hurt you ... too much. But I'd be careful after today. He will want to get his revenge somehow." Running his hand through his hair, he sighed as he saw the state of the training dummies. Some they would be able to salvage, but others were beyond repair. For a man as slim as Ardyn was... Such a display of strength made Noct's heart swell inside his chest. Yes, that strength had been brought on by rage, but rage borne of Ardyn's love for him.   
  
He felt his lover next to him and looked up to see Ardyn's hand hovering just above his shoulder. "You ... you can touch me. I'm not made of china. But if I ... if I do flinch away, don't think it's because of you. I ... I want you to touch me, I crave it, I just can't convince my body of that right now." His eyes turned pleading. "Please, don't pull back. I ... I couldn't bear that. I've only just found my ... my home again and I can't..." Eyes burning, he squeezed them shut and then shuddered when Ardyn's arms came around him as the healer knelt down beside him again. He shivered, yes. And his skin was crawling as if it was about to remove itself from his body, but Noct did not struggle to free himself. Ardyn's hands were loving and tender, the hands of a healer and not ... of a true monster. Even before, when he had been consumed by darkness, Ardyn would never have done to him...   
  
He couldn't hold back the tears any longer now and turned his head into Ardyn's shoulder as he sobbed. He had fought so hard, and they had come this far against all the odds and yet... Had Shiva known this would happen? Or was this another immaterial little detail that the Astrals had simply overlooked? Maybe ... maybe it was just part of the bigger picture? Another obstacle they had to overcome to be...   
  
_"Trust in your heart, young king. Listen to what it tells you and heed its call. You both have to heal, you both have to find the strength to carry on even in the face of such adversity."_ Shiva chuckled then in his head, and Noct gasped. Never before had he heard... _"I know you can hear me as well, Healer of the People. And I know you do not trust my words, but I promise they are sincere. This time, I will not stray from my true path. I will be a light to guide you should you require it. But I think not. I think you only need to listen to your souls. This is your destiny, and you will gain all you have ever longed for. Not because I say so, but because you want it to be so. Be the true masters of your fates. You are entwined ... you are one..."_   
  
Her voice faded, and Noct blinked open his eyes and sat up just a little to catch his lover's gaze. "I ... I never thought I'd hear _her_ voice in my head again," the older man frowned. "How is that even possible?" Amber eyes were wide in wonder, but there was also a hint of ... annoyance in them. As if he'd been glad to be rid of the Astrals.   
  
"It's ... it's as she said. We are one now. Like, not just in heart but..." Noct blushed. He _did_ sound like a bloody romance novel again. But it was true. Their hearts were beating as one, had done so ever since they had first admitted their feelings to each other, that evening at the outlook all these long years ago. But now their lives were bound together as well, which clearly meant that Ardyn somehow _shared_ in his powers. That made Noct wonder... Could Ardyn use the ring as well? He was still Lucian royalty after all, so the Kings of Yore could not reject him. But would he be able to use the ring's powers?   
  
Ardyn nodded slowly. "You were truly willing to give your life for me, were you not? Why? You had no idea if I would be there with you, and yet..."   
  
"Do you still not understand," Noct smiled and tenderly touched Ardyn's brow. "There is no one else for me, there never was. But I knew that I had no right to even hope that you would... It didn't matter though. My main goal was to set you free at long last. And if that meant paying for it with my life, then I was more than willing to pay that price. I think ... I think I could have been happier in the Afterlife knowing that you were no longer bound to this life. That one day you would join me and that I could spend eternity showing you that ... that I truly do love you..." He was babbling again, and Noct knew it, but he also couldn't help himself.   
  
Ardyn's finger covering his lips though ... that could. "Firstly, no one ever did anything like that for me before. That alone is proof of your feelings. Even though I was angry at you for it before, on the train, that was simply because I couldn't quite grasp the sheer magnitude of it. To be willing to give up eternal bliss..." The older man's smile turned wistful. "And secondly, you had every right to hope. You must have known that I never could let go of you. No matter how hard I tried. You were the reason why I could never give myself over to the darkness completely. The memory of you ... was the only warmth I knew for all of those empty years." He sighed, and caught Noct's hand in his and pressed a kiss to the young king's palm. "To be bound to you now ... is not a price, Noct. It's a privilege. One that we should maybe also explain to your friends..."   
  
Noct couldn't speak. His heart, he was certain, was about to burst with love and he could barely see because his eyes were once again brimming with tears. But he could lean in, and close the space between them and brush Ardyn's lips with his own. And that kiss was as much a way of communicating his emotions as it was a promise. They would get through this. They had overcome all the odds already to get to this place, so being haunted by memories really wasn't going to stop either of them.   
  
Ardyn's arms were warm as they held him, and he sighed as he rested his head on his lover's shoulder. In a bit, they would speak to his friends and explain all that had happened that day. Well, maybe not all of it. Some things he would keep to himself, and he was sure Ardyn wouldn't exactly care to share the mechanics of their first lovemaking in far too many _ages_ with anyone either. Later on, yes. Later on he would torment especially Gladio with tales of his sexual prowess and Noct wouldn't stop him, but not just yet. For now they would hold on to the memory of ... of just a few hours ago and let it guide them along this road they suddenly found themselves on.   
  
But at least he wasn't alone anymore ... not that he had been until now. His friends had been with him, and in the end, they had supported even his crazy plan to save the man the gods had once called the Immortal Accursed. They had stood by him and they would do so again. However, he had found the missing part of his soul again, his home and his love. Ardyn. Who kissed into his hair and simply held him close. And while it wasn't perfect, for now, it would do. For now, it was almost there...


	6. The First Step to Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noctis reveals the truth of what happened to him in the past to his friends, and Ardyn realises a few things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay, peeps. I was busy working on something else the last two weeks, so this story was kinda pushed back. But now I'm done with the other thing and here we go again <3   
>    
>  Thank you for the kudos and comments, I shall get to responding soon but know that you make my day <3

Ignis had brought Noct a fitting pair of boots and socks soon after, and had shaken his head at the state of Noct's trousers.   
  
"Really? As if we don't have enough things on our hands. Now you have to actively destroy your clothing as well?" He sighed and threw his hands up in the air. "I expect there will be another pair in your rooms in the Citadel so you can give me these," he pointed at the quite soiled garments that currently were the only piece of clothing on Noct's body, "tomorrow morning."   
  
"Sorry Iggy," Noctis muttered, feeling as if he was a child again and had somehow managed to upset Ignis. "I didn't mean to..."   
  
But Ignis was already shaking his head and smiled. "Noctis, you don't have to explain yourself to me. Not anymore. Not ever. It is an honour to take care of you, your Majesty." He then gave a small bow to Ardyn. "Your _Majesties_. But it is even more of an honour to call you my friend, Noct. So, as your friend, I tell you to put on your shoes and stand up. I believe there is something you wish to tell us. Something the both of you wish to tell us about what happened earlier. To those poor training dummies. Oh, yes. And Gladio." Ignis' eyes were sparkling and Noct realised that he had never seen his friend this happy.   
  
"You know Prompto and I were really tempted to lock you two into a room together and throw away the key, right?" Noct laughed as he pulled on the socks and boots. Ardyn had already risen to his feet again and was brushing the dust off his clothes. "I swear, if you hadn't ... scarred Prompto for life in Altissia, we would have done so on the boat. Can't believe Gladio was still fighting his feelings even when..."   
  
"He really had no idea, can you believe it?" Ignis smiled. "He thought it was only him who was putting his heart on the line and, while I'm sorry we traumatised Prompto, I have no regrets regarding my actions. Which is thanks to you. Thanks to the both of you if you will." He swallowed and stared at his shoes in the dirt. "Seeing you at the Vesperpool made me realise what I was denying myself ... and him. He was never going to act, so I had to find a way. And I fear waking up and finding him by my side but then jumping away as if I'd stung him ... that was the last straw."   
  
"I assumed you had finally gotten your act together," Ardyn smirked. "But to think that I had a hand in it in a roundabout way... Does Gladiolus know of this? Because if he doesn't it would be my absolute _pleasure_ to let him know. Including all the details of what Noct and I were up to at the pool... Just to give him some pointers. He seems to need them if he couldn't tell that you were just as smitten with him as he was with you..."   
  
"I thank you for not doing so. Simply because he might just take you apart, and I think Noctis would take offence to that."   
  
"Noctis would do much more than that," Noct grumbled as he took Ardyn's proffered hand to pull himself to his feet. "And I think Gladio is beginning to ... almost like Ardyn. I think the world is about to end." Noct smirked, but the smirk became a smile when Ardyn took off his coat and put it around Noct's shoulders. "Thanks..."   
  
"You can't be wearing a blanket while you walk through your kingdom," Ardyn smirked, and Noct rolled his eyes.   
  
"Yeah, wearing a coat that's far too long for me is so much better. Besides, there's no one here as yet to see me make a fool of myself."   
  
"That will soon change," Ignis interjected. "Prompto has contacted Cindy and Cid is already on his way here. To hopefully fix the Wall now that the Crystal is back. Or ... will it no longer work?"   
  
Noct shrugged. "It was still glowing last I saw it. Because I didn't use up all of its energy I guess when ... when Ardyn and I destroyed the Scourge or whatever it was that we did." He caught his lover's gaze and was certain that the healer wondered why he had tried to ever explain _anything_ to Noctis. "I mean, I know it wasn't the Scourge, alright? But it was something. A representation of it in the astral realm that we destroyed together. And that clearly lead to whatever happened here. In the real world." He pulled Ardyn's cloak tighter and lifted it up as he fell into step between Ignis and his beloved. "I'm just glad it's all over and done with. I mean the whole prophecy stuff. And this time neither of us lost our lives..." He reached out to twine his fingers with Ardyn's. To remind himself that his beloved was truly with him still, that he had not breathed his last on the cold asphalt they now walked upon.   
  
"I set the table in your father's rooms, and maybe tomorrow we can see about ... putting some of his things into storage? It will be difficult, but those rooms are yours now. And it is the Kings of Lucis who should fill them again with life." Ignis could clearly tell that he was walking on eggshells, but as Noct's advisor it fell to him to broach topics no one else would touch. "You can make them yours, and still keep King Regis' memory alive." Ignis was right, of course, but at the same time...   
  
Ardyn wouldn't meet Noct's gaze as they climbed the steps to the Citadel's entrance, and Noct squeezed his lover's hand. "We can't go back," the king whispered. "Only forward. Together. Ignis will find a way to explain your presence and as I said a few times now, I wouldn't have it any other way. I love you, Ardyn. And that will never change."   
  
The healer's face was a mask of pain when he finally turned to Noct, but he nodded. "Maybe I can undo some of the damage I wrought. With your help..."   
  
It was beyond painful to see Ardyn like that, and Noct brought his lover's hand to his lips to brush the briefest of kisses on its palm. Ignis had walked on ahead to call the lift ... and to give the two of them some space once more, Noct had no doubt. "And what of all the wrongs I caused? If you look at it, honestly, then the reason all this," he gestured around the empty lobby, "has happened is that I ... that I wasn't brave enough to tell you how I felt. How afraid I was to lose you. How I feared you'd grow tired of me and my inability to do anything ... anything right..."   
  
"Those were your father's words, Noctis. And they were never true. Look at you now. You are still the same man, and yet you are so much more. The potential was ever within you, which is why I tried to push you to try new things."   
  
"And yet it wasn't enough, was it? I was supposed to be there with you when you received the Astrals' blessing, but I was too weak. And don't you deny it. I couldn't have done what I have now managed. So all of what happened, at least in part, is my fault. But I also know that dwelling on the past will only mean that we forget to live in the here and now ... that we fail to look towards the future. _Our_ future. We have that luxury again, and I for one am not going to waste the opportunity." He moved around the taller man to stand in front of him and touched Ardyn's cheek with his free hand. "Whatever happened, whatever you have done, I love you. Do you hear that? I love you. Not just the man you once were, or the kind man you are again, but all of you. You are everything to me. And while I wish you hadn't done certain things, and I do, I can't ... I can't hold any of it against you. We were both pawns, marionettes of the Astrals. But now we are _free_!"   
  
It took a while for his words to sink in, but Noct could tell the moment Ardyn realised how right the young king was. He nodded and then smiled. Gently, almost timidly, but when it reached his eyes they glowed with warmth and love and Noctis felt his knees go weak and almost give out. How he wanted to be able to show his lover just how precious this moment truly was ... and he cursed his treacherous body for letting him down so very badly. And at such an inopportune time at that! He had hoped they would at least get some time to ... _reap_ their rewards, had dreamt of it this entire time and now...   
  
"The lift is ready, your Majesties," Ignis called from the hallway, breaking the spell. But Ardyn's smile didn't fade, and he kissed Noct's forehead before pulling his lover along and to the lifts.   
  
The ride up was uneventful, or would have been had Noct not nearly tripped over Ardyn's coat and had been waving his arms around as if he intended to fly away suddenly. Both Ardyn and Iggy had exchanged glances and started chuckling. _After_ stretching out an arm each to stabilize the young king. The two of them wouldn't let this go any time soon, Noct knew and huffed to himself as he strode out of the lift once the doors opened, the coat now trailing on the floor behind him like a robe. And if it got dirty like that, he didn't give a damn. Not when he could still hear his advisor and so called _beloved_ chuckling behind him. Yes, it was good the two were getting on so well, but did it have to be at Noct's expense?   
  
When he entered his father's ... no, they were his and Ardyn's rooms now, Gladio and Prompto rose from the chairs they had been occupying. "You alright there, buddy?" the blond asked with a grin, and Noct rolled his eyes, dropping Ardyn's coat unceremoniously on the floor. "I got your shirt from your old quarters ... in case, you know, you want to cover up for dinner." He pointed at the perfectly folded piece of clothing lying on the leather sofa. "I mean, we kinda don't have to guess what the two of you were up to, but I think we're okay with not seeing it. Or at least I am. Don't know about Gladio and Iggy, because ... you know..."   
  
"Still going on about the mental scars we gave you, Prompto?" Gladio laughed. "Not our fault you didn't get the message sooner and scuttled off. However, if you wish to have another chance to see us in action, you really only have to say so." The big man had moved over to stand by his lover's side and now pulled Ignis into a rather _close_ embrace that made the prim and proper advisor swat at Gladio's shoulders in indignation. "What? They all know what we're getting up to when the door closes behind us, or the tent flap. No need to be shy..."   
  
"Unhand me this instance, you big brute!" Ignis cried out, and Gladio eventually released him. But not before claiming Iggy's lips in a surprisingly tender kiss.   
  
"Astrals! I swear I'm going to make out with Cindy right in front of you. Talk about being scarred for life!" Prompto plopped down into his seat again, pouting. Which was the most adorable thing ever, especially given that he was almost twenty-one years of age now. Not that Noct would ever tell his friend. It would quite possibly break Prompto's heart.   
  
Walking over to the sofa, he put on his shirt and then patted the space next to him. He needed Ardyn by his side if he was truly going to speak of all the horrors that had happened in his past. Maybe that would help him get over it faster though. To face his daemons head on. Ardyn complied after draping his coat over the back of a chair. When the healer finally sat, he gathered Noct's hand in his own and nodded.   
  
Gladio and Ignis had taken seats near Prompto, and the jovial atmosphere of only a few moments ago had been replaced by a sense of anticipation. Noct swallowed, suddenly unsure how to begin. "I ... guys, I'm not sure what to..."   
  
"I would assume you all know of the nature of my relationship with Noctis all those many ages ago?" Ardyn asked suddenly, but didn't wait for a reply. "There was only one thing that I took more pride in than calling him my _beloved_. It was that I knew I could keep him safe from harm. When I learned earlier that this had not always been the case ... I fear you found me in a state of..."   
  
"Rage..." Gladio muttered and nodded his shaggy head. "I ... I've been there. I think if anything had truly happened to Iggy in Altissia, I would have found every last MT left in the city and taken them apart bit by bit with my bare hands." Ignis reached over to touch his lover's arm, green eyes filled with compassion and love. "I guess ... I guess that means you really do love Noct, huh? I gotta admit I still had my doubts, even after the whole Scourge thing. But to be this angry..."   
  
Noct hadn't thought about it quite that way before. But now... It made sense. Moving closer to his beloved, he rested his head against Ardyn's shoulder and then began in a whisper, "I thought it was all over. I really did. But I think fate decided that I'd had it too easy I guess. That I had to pay some sort of price for ... changing things around I guess." He shrugged. "All I wanted was to be able to go to sleep in Ardyn's arms again, to feel safe and loved ... and I did. And when I woke, he was still there with me, and it hadn't all been a dream, and I ... we ... and then it all turned into a waking nightmare."   
  
He could see Ardyn's mouth turn into a harsh line, could see his lover swallow. "It wasn't you," Noct murmured. "It wasn't you. Nor was it your fault. None of it." Turning back to his friends, he continued, "You remember what I told you, don't you? About how my father ... how he would pass me on as a prize between his friends? Well, what I didn't tell you is that ... that I remember every little detail of it now. Every forced kiss, every touch that made my skin crawl. Every time I was held down and ... taken. Over and over again. I think I went numb at some point, but my heart could only bear so much."   
  
There were tears in Prompto's eyes, and Gladio seemed fairly close to it as well. Even Ignis ... even Ignis looked beyond shaken. But that was nothing compared to the man by his side. Ardyn had grown silent and stoic, his eyes staring into the empty space before him at something only he could see. He looked like a broken man, and Noct's heart shattered all over again. This was his fault as well.   
  
"You didn't deserve this, buddy," Prompto whispered, wiping at his eyes. "Neither of you did. You were in love and that is the most beautiful thing. But it got all twisted and torn to shreds, and none of that was on you guys."   
  
Noct wanted to shake his head, but then Ardyn turned to him and... "You think you deserved this?" Noctis could barely meet his lover's gaze, so intense were those amber eyes. "You made a _mistake_. Your words, hurtful as they were, you didn't speak them out of malice. You were afraid ... afraid of ... of something quite impossible and if anything I should have made sure you knew that. I should have ensured that you knew I would never _ever_ leave you." He shook his head before lowering it to kiss into the palm of Noct's hand. "You did not deserve what your father did to you. And neither did I. He made us pay for something that wasn't a crime, Noctis. It's like Prompto said. We were in love. And that was all we ever did to affront him. We loved each other. And that was something he couldn't comprehend. Love. Warmth. Kindness. But you are not like him. You are nothing like him..."   
  
Noct swallowed, and swallowed again. But slowly Ardyn's words permeated his mind and heart, and the guilt he had felt for longer than he could think loosened its icy grip on his heart. Not his fault. He hadn't deserved what his father had done to him. To the both of them. Yes. All they had done was love each other. But that his father had _not_ been able to take from them. They were still here, their hearts still twined. And so he nodded. He nodded and smiled at Ardyn and eventually wrapped his arms around the older man to hug him close. When his lover returned the embrace, he didn't want to run away or crawl out of his skin. He just sighed and breathed. They would get through this and now, they had taken the first step.


	7. The Kings of Lucis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noct is slowly getting better, Ignis has a surprise and the Glacian schemes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay in posting again, but it's terribly warm here and I'm really too ... bleh to do much most days. So the writing suffers. I also had some issues (at least in my head) with the progress of this story, but a friend looked it over and is now helping me out with that. Thanking you kindly, Jess <3   
>    
>  As always, thank you for the kudos and comments and such. They are muchly appreciated :D

The next couple of days ... or was it weeks? ... passed in a blur of people arriving and departing again, and Insomnia rising from her ashes like a phoenix. Before long, the throne room was restored to its former glory, and Ignis made a big fuss about how he and Ardyn should come and see it. Together.   
  
It was going to be the first time Noctis actually got to see his beloved during the daytime, for up until then Ardyn and Ignis had been sequestered in the grand library peering over old tomes and maps and such, and Noctis only ever spent any time with the healer in the mornings when they took breakfast together, and late at night after having dinner with his friends and Cindy who had joined Prompto after two days. Noctis still could only endure physical contact to a certain extent, but he had found a way of sleeping in Ardyn's arms anyway. Yes, it involved wrapping a sheet tightly around his body, but that didn't matter.   
  
However, that morning he had woken before his lover, which was a first, and had snuggled up to Ardyn, breathing in that so familiar scent. And when the healer's eyes had fluttered open, Noct had leaned down to kiss his love ... more passionately than he had meant to. They had both been hard and wanting within a matter of minutes, and Noct had apologised profusely before rushing into the bathroom for a cold shower and ... the sad reality of having to use his own hand like a teenager instead of being able to make love to the man just outside the door.   
  
Ardyn had tried to reassure Noct at their breakfast table, but the young king still felt awful even as he was walking down the hallway that would take him through to the throne room. Ardyn was already waiting, but there was no sign of Ignis yet. Noct swallowed, unable to meet his lover's eye. Until Ardyn clearly had enough of his behaviour.   
  
"Oh for goodness' sake, Noctis!" Strong hands touched his shoulders before sliding up his neck to cup his face, forcing Noct to look up into sparkling amber eyes. The younger man was too shocked for his body to respond to Ardyn's touch, and he blinked under that unwavering stare. "You think this morning was a step backwards, don't you? Or that you are taking advantage of me in some strange way. You are not. And it was very much not. You initiated the kiss, and I have to say I was quite glad to see that you ... well, you know." Ardyn smiled then, well no, he _smirked_ like the utter bastard that he was. "I was slightly worried that you might no longer..."   
  
"Be able to get it up? Be attracted to you? Want this whole flipping thing to be over already so we can be together again properly?" Noct knew he was snappy, but all of his frustration bubbled over at once. But Ardyn's grin didn't waver. If anything it grew in intensity and made Noct curse under his breath. How he wanted to wipe that smug smile off his lover's face...   
  
Then, however, Ardyn's face turned more solemn, his eyes boring into Noct's soul it seemed. "Then stop punishing yourself for something you cannot help. Would I love to be able to be with you? Yes. But I do not care how long it will take to get there. We will, one way or another. Because there is one thing that will never change."   
  
Noct didn't have to be a genius to figure out what that was. "That we love each other."   
  
Ardyn nodded. "Yes. And just like you endured while I kept pushing you back time and again, while you had to watch me kill your childhood _friend_ , I will do the same now. You are my life, Noctis, and I don't care how we lead it as long as we are together." Noct had to swallow, tears clouding his eyes. Had he not cried enough already? "Oh, and Noctis?" There was that smirk again. "I have been holding your face for at least five minutes now, and you haven't pulled back. Now _that_ is what I call a good sign."   
  
It was, and Noct's hands shook as they reached up to cover Ardyn's. His lover's touch was ... calming and not scary at all. Granted, it was just his face, but it was something. Especially given the fact that the first touch had been sudden and not exactly gentle. "Kiss me?" he whispered. "You ... kiss me. Not the other way around. Kiss me please..."   
  
Whatever else he had been about to say was cut off by Ardyn's lips on his own and he gasped when his lover's hand moved to the small of his back to pull him closer. There was a moment of panic, but then he melted into the kiss the way he always did. In the end, he even growled in protest when Ardyn pulled away with a tender smile, and followed his lover to steal at least another taste.   
  
"That was nice," he whispered eventually, a smile gracing his features as well. It had been more than that of course, and part of him desperately wanted to touch his beloved and... And then there was that other part that was still quite shaken. Baby steps. It would have to be baby steps.   
  
"Ah, you are already here," Ignis' voice came from the hallway. "I'm sorry, but I got held up by Cid and Cindy. I think they found a way to restore the Wall. Cid had been involved in its maintenance before his exile, and many of the documents left behind by those working on it were still where Cid remembered them being. The Crystal has been moved into its old home, and I think Ardyn has figured out how you can access it, Noctis. He also explained your newly forged bond, which should make the strain of keeping the Wall up fairly negligible as he _is_ a healer and can bolster you in ways that have been unheard of so far." Noctis frowned at that and glanced from Ignis to Ardyn and then back.   
  
"You recall how bad it got for your father, don't you?" Noct glared at Ignis. Of course he remembered! "Well, it's the price it seems, the price the Crystal charges the Kings of Lucis. Or more to the point, the bearer of the Ring of Lucii. But given the fact that Ardyn is a King of Lucis as well, and would, in theory, be able to also control the Ring, he knows the way it claws back the wearer's strength. And he believes he can counteract it."   
  
"As I have no idea what is going on in Niflheim anymore, and given the fact that there are still a great many daemons out and about, it is best we see to our defences as soon as we are able. Trust me, if anyone is still alive of the high ranking officers and such, they _will_ come after me. And you, Noct. This is far from being over."   
  
Noct signed. He hadn't thought that far ahead. But being asleep only for six months, and having Ardyn hold back the Scourge somehow truly had changed things. The world had never fallen into darkness, and that probably also meant that Gralea hadn't fallen. That Niflheim hadn't... "But Aldercapt is dead, you said so yourself."   
  
"Aldercapt, yes. And the High Commander. But Verstael Besithia still lives and many of the others. At least I am sure of it. I fear my contacts are either dead or turned on me once they realised I had given the Crystal back to the Kingdom of Lucis. The only reason they didn't come to reclaim it were the daemons. Well, and the fact that they are leaderless." Smirking Ardyn continued, "But we don't need _my_ contacts, do we? After all, you have made quite an impression on a certain former Commodore? I am sure Aranea would love to help you out, Noct. And I know for a fact that her cover hasn't been blown. I was the one who employed her, and she actually seems to have had the foresight to leave before I could drag her down with me. It won't be easy, but I'm sure she could be convinced."   
  
Ignis shook his head, "Not easy at all once she learns that you and Noct are ... both the Kings of Lucis now. But I'm sure she could be convinced if you would allow me to be truthful with her. Well, to a point. Maybe not about the Scourge because I still find it hard to wrap my mind around it..."   
  
"Go ahead," Noct answered and Ardyn nodded in agreement. "The question is only where do we find her? Still in Tenebrae? It will take forever to get a message through to there."   
  
"One more thing we are working on. We are lucky our phones still work for I would have thought the Empire might destroy..."   
  
"The satellites and signal towers?" Ardyn grinned. "No. You see they never fully comprehended _why_ telephones would be such a grand idea. Or maybe it was a certain Chancellor that convinced them that allowing their citizenry to communicate freely and over great distances might be a bad thing? I don't know." Shrugging, Ardyn's expression was like a cat who'd just ate a bowlful of cream. "And as that was years ago, they simply didn't think of such trivial things anymore." Smirk fading, Ardyn fixed Ignis with his gaze. "The network can be expanded upon, right?"   
  
"Well yes. I will speak to Cid about it once we are done here." Ignis smiled suddenly, and Noct had to blink to make sure he wasn't dreaming. "You see, we have been restoring various parts of the Citadel so far and happened upon a few storage rooms that had previously slipped my mind completely. And I found something that you probably won't even remember, Noct. But it is time that it was restored to its rightful place."   
  
Noct hated it when Ignis spoke in riddles, and his advisor bloody well knew that. But when Ignis opened the large doors for them, whatever grumpy remark the young king had been about to make died on his lips. Instead, tears came to his eyes and he touched his friend's shoulder and nodded silently. Upon the dais that had for so long only held his father's throne now stood two. Side by side. Identical in every way.   
  
"Your father had one taken away after the queen..." There was no need for Ignis to continue and even Ardyn nodded his understanding. "However, the two of you should sit the throne. The Kings of Lucis. As you were always meant to. It took just a little longer than it should have, but here we are." Noctis could have hugged his friend for trying to lighten up the situation because Ardyn looked as if he might ... Noct didn't even know.   
  
Reaching for his lover's hand, Noct simply squeezed it. He could feel Ardyn's whole body shake and looked up at his love, worried sapphire eyes catching amber. And suddenly, Ardyn's entire face lit up and he moved forward, drawing Noctis with him. Towards the stairs and then up and up again, until they stood in front of the two thrones. "This ... this is all I ever wanted for us. For _you_. To be allowed to sit at my side where you always belonged."   
  
"And now it is you who belongs next to me. You always will." Noct smiled, reaching up to touch Ardyn's stubble. "I am glad to be by your side again. Even if things are not as easy as I would like them to be right now, I couldn't do any of it without you."   
  
"You will have to display a united front," Ignis intoned from the platform halfway up the steps. "And Noct, you will have to be prepared to face down anger and distrust. We have the true prophecy on our side, but ... it will not be easy to convince the people that it is not a fake. We all grew up with stories of the Chosen One and how he would destroy the darkness and bring back the light. True, no one knew what price you would have to pay, but that matters not. What we would need to show its validity is..."   
  
"Divine intervention?" Ardyn huffed a laugh. "Forgive me, Ignis, but I speak from experience here and I don't think the Astrals have anything worthwhile to offer." He looked at Noct and shook his head. "We are here because of their failings, not ours." Noctis had explained more of what he had learned in the Crystal, and Ardyn was far more upset with Titan and Ramuh now than he had been before. "But I guess Shiva might help. Without her, Noct wouldn't have been able to return to me after all. And I am guessing she might be able to _convince_ Bahamut to help as well."   
  
Yes, if the Draconian himself would appear before the people of Insomnia, once there were people of Insomnia again, then the prophecy would be validated. Maybe the Astrals could even provide them with a new and more accurate version of the Cosmogony, but that might be too much to ask or hope for.   
  
"Young king, Healer of the People..." Gentiana's voice sounded from the entrance to the throne room as she walked towards them in her usual manner. A smile was upon her face, and Noctis had the strange feeling that she had been waiting for this moment. "Chosen Kings of Lucis, I would offer my blessing to you and that of all of my remaining siblings." She ... bowed to them at the bottom of the steps before walking upwards until she stood next to Ignis. "You have taken great strides already, and I cannot express how humbled I feel at seeing how much grace you both display while faced with so much dread and terror still. My siblings and I, we will do what we can to aid you. And if that means that we will have to walk amongst you for a time, we shall."   
  
Ignis stared at her, green eyes wide. Noctis had explained to his friends about the messenger avatars of course, and they had seen them during their rather short interlude with Ifrit. But to stand next to Gentiana and knowing that she was in fact the Glacian clearly was bordering on what Ignis could handle. She smiled at him though as if to ease his clearly racing mind before lowering her gaze once again.   
  
"I know we gave you no reason to trust us, but we will not betray you again. You are no longer pawns. You have found your own path and in doing so, you have fulfilled the true prophecy."   
  
"Somehow I still think you only helped Noct in order to see it fulfilled," Ardyn sneered, "but what do I know? Astrals ... they work in mysterious ways, don't they?" Ignis gasped at the healer's words, but Ardyn didn't care. "It's true, Ignis, and she might as well hear it. You wouldn't have been so gracious as to let him return, _endangering_ what he'd already achieved, if you didn't know damn well that he would succeed. What? Did your little icy crystal ball tell you as much? Or was it just sheer damn luck?"   
  
Shiva's eyes narrowed, and for a moment Noctis feared the worst. No one had ever spoken to the Glacian in this manner, Noct was certain of it. Well, he almost had, but that was beside the point. But then her eyes softened as if she could understand Ardyn's _rage_. "Your scorn is warranted, oh Chosen One. But it was not my need to see the prophecy fulfilled that made me lend my aid to Noctis. It was the pain in his heart. The agony that I knew you felt when he pierced your chest. All Noctis wanted was to understand why he could not forget you, and when he finally remembered ... I could not stand by and let him suffer. And it gave me the chance to maybe let you know that I ... that I regret the choice I made two thousand years ago. It is us who failed _you_ , not the other way around. You were not tainted. Not then. Not ever. Not your heart of hearts. Not your soul. And as such ... the Ring will heed the call of both its masters. Another sign from the Astrals if you will. Wear it before your people, Ardyn. And we will stand by your side."   
  
"That .. that would work..." Ignis whispered, but Ardyn laughed harshly.   
  
"You think I am that foolish that I would put on the accursed ring again?!"   
  
But Noct interrupted his lover's ranting. "I ... I was wondering about the same thing already. You ... you should be able to use it. And even if you cannot, the Kings of Yore cannot hurt you. You are of the royal line, more so than me." Slipping the ring off his finger he held it out to Ardyn. "I know it will work." And he truly did. "It was yours before, so why can't it be _ours_ now?"   
  
Ardyn's eyes were little more than slits, but he took the ring and slid it on his finger. And didn't burst into flames. Which was good. There was wonderment in Ardyn's voice when suddenly he whispered, "I ... I can feel it. The Crystal is calling to me. I thought I heard the last of it before Alix stripped it off my hand." Noct knew that Ardyn had handed it over, but that was beside the point. It was working. Shiva was right. "Alright then. I guess you can be trusted. At times."   
  
The Astral smiled mysteriously. "Indeed. And I will prove to you that I will not fail you again. But for now, I shall take my leave. My siblings and I will be at your command, my kings, whenever you require us. We are in your debt, and we will do our utmost to repay you for all that you have done. Not only for yourself, but for Lucis and Eos. And maybe, with time, you will learn to trust in us again. Fallible we might be, and only too human at times. But we now wish to undo whatever damage we may. This is my promise to you. To you both."

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me [@eowynsmusings](https://twitter.com/eowynsmusings) and join me in the Ardynoct hell if you wish :D


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